The Simpsons sing "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer", but Homer doesn't like the kids interjections... 571K (52.97 sec.) 
Abe: "We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. (crowd grumbles) One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville... I needed a new heel for my shoe. So, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days... So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time... Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel. And in those days, nickels had pictures of bumble bees on 'em! 'Gimme five bees for a quarter', you'd say. Now, where were we? Oh, yeah... the important thing was that I had an onion on my belt... which was the style at the time... They didn't have white onions because of the war... The only thing you could get was those big, yellow ones..." 556K (51.57 sec.)
Homer: "(smack!) Ow, oh, fudge - that's broken... fiddle-dee-dee... That will require a tetanus shot. I am not going to swear, but I am going to KICK THIS DOGHOUSE DOWN! D'oh!" 357K (16.55 sec.)
Bart: "Look at that hunk of junk!"Abe: "Argh... D'oh... sheesh... You're ignorant! That's the Wright Brothers' plane! At Kitty Hawk in 1903, Charles Lindberg flew it 15 miles on a thimble full of corn oil, single-handedly won us the Civil War, it did..."
Bart: "So how do you know so much about American history?"
Abe: "I pieced it together, mostly from sugar packets..."
343K (21.92 sec.)
Lie Detector Scene from "Who Shot Mr. Burns" 148 K (27.38 sec.)
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